


Everything is under control

by Laoness



Series: Help, my neighbour is a Sith! [4]
Category: Star Wars - All Media Types
Genre: Comedy, F/M, Fluff, Gen, Humor, I don't know what possessed me to write this, Shir is not having a great evening, This is DUMB, all the stories in this series are crack
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-07 03:06:50
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,664
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26389897
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Laoness/pseuds/Laoness
Summary: Shir just wants to go home after finishing a job that evening. However, things just never go her way, do they? Maybe she should consider not living on Coruscant if she wants quieter evenings.
Relationships: Darth Maul/Original Female Character(s)
Series: Help, my neighbour is a Sith! [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1915648
Kudos: 10





	Everything is under control

„My speeder broke so I’m going to walk home.” Shir told Maul through the com-link. She could see the holoimage of Maul flicker, who was tilting his head in a concerned way. “Oh don’t give me that look. I can handle myself.”

“You better.” He replied and pointed a finger at her. “I’d hate to collect you in some back alley.” Shir just rolled her eyes. His concern wasn’t unjustified. The way home was rather long and led through a lot of dark and shady places Corsucant had to offer. Said places were mostly occupied by thieves and thugs and other people who wanted to do some harm. Especially during nighttime – even though the light didn’t make much of a difference. She did think it was kind of sweet that he cared for her. It just was his way of showing affection.

“I’ll be home in about half an hour.” Shir said. After giving him one last look that he really shouldn’t worry too much about her, she hung up and put the circular device back into her pocket. Then she started walking. 

Shir had just come back from another of her jobs and parked her spacecraft in one of the spaceports where she rented a hangar. It was an old run down hangar in need of some clean up and maybe some repairs, but it was secure and the closest available hangar to her apartment. Besides, she couldn’t waste too many credits on the rent, since she needed to pay for fuel and supplies as well. On top of that came the occasional repairs on her ship and also the rent for her apartment. And being a bounty hunter one never knew when the next payment was due. 

She left the hangar and walked along the street towards her home. She could already see the building in the distance, but that didn’t mean she was close at all. Since carrying firearms in public spaces in plain sight was usually a bad idea, she always had a cloak on her to cover them up. Otherwise a lot more people would be staring at her right now. She didn’t want to use her blasters in crowded spaces like this either. There was always a risk of hitting bystanders or someone alerting the cops and that usually meant trouble. So whenever she did run into trouble, she’d handle it with her fists or maybe a knife. 

Most of her walk home passed rather quietly. She watched some of the figures on the streets but they were just wandering by. Shir never really knew why she stayed on this overpopulated planet. It was terrible with its millions of buildings, speeders, other vehicles and whatnot. She never actually liked Coruscant. But where else should she go? It was the capital city of the Empire and before that of the Old Republic. Why would she go anywhere else? Maybe she stayed cause it was easy to get a job here. 

Being lost in thought, she turned right, into a dark alleyway – simply out of routine. She knew this path would be the fastest. It wasn’t the most secure, but at the moment she didn’t realize this. It only dawned on her where she had gone after hearing some noises behind her. Shir stopped to look behind her for a moment. There was nothing to be seen. After shrugging it off, she continued walking but was more alert now. In the distance she saw two silhouettes approaching her. One looked human, the other was probably a twi’lek. She just hoped they’d pass her, but she knew those chances were very slim. And just as she thought, one of the two stuck a knife under her chin as soon as he was close enough. 

“You’re being rather adventures, aren’t you?” The human male grinned. He had a small scar on his cheek and dark, short hair. Shir couldn’t recognize his eye colour, but it must’ve been brown or another darker colour. He was dressed in black and a hood covered most of his head. The twi’lek had a blue skin tone and was also dressed in some black robes. In one hand he was holding an even bigger knife. He was grinning. But what was really upsetting was the fact that both of them reeked of urine. Shir scrunched up her nose and lifted up her hands slowly when the knife was being pointed at her. 

“For wandering down an alley?” She replied calmly and raised a brow. The two men were surprised to see her so calm. The human pushed the blade against her skin. 

“Not just any alley! Our alley.” He grinned and tried to sound smug. His partner made that impression too. But Shir wasn’t intimidated. 

“I didn’t see your names on it.” She simply remarked with a little smirk. That didn’t fall too well with her two attackers. 

“Hey!” The human said sharply. “No time for sassy remarks! Give us your credits.” He commanded her now. 

“Oh, I would but… sadly I don’t have anything on me.” Shir replied with a blatant lie. She had a pouch full of credits from her latest job. But obviously she didn’t want to give them those. That was her hard earned money! 

“You’re going to give us-“ The human wanted to continue, but was suddenly hit in the head with an object. He dropped the knife before falling face first on the ground. Shir had to take a step back and watched him fall. The twi’lek turned around. 

“Hey!” He yelled into the dark but also got hit in the head with a blunt object and fell next to his unconscious partner. Shir stared at the two bodies at her feet and was confused. She then looked into the dark to see yet another person walk towards her. Once he stepped into the dim light of the street lanterns, she recognized him as a tall and rather muscular human with blond hair – almost too perfect to be real. His pale blue eyes were piercing through the dark and it made Shir almost uncomfortable. His robes were a mix of browns and blacks. His very defined jawline and cheekbones was what caught her eye, though, as well as the big chin. Was he a product of one of the gene farms? His appearance seemed to be so unnatural – far too attractive to be just a coincidence. 

“Were these two thugs bothering you, miss?” Wow, even his deep voice matched his appearance. Shir was stunned for a second by the sheer stereotypical hero look. 

“Not really.” She replied after finding her speech again. 

“It’s a good thing I intervened, who knew- Wait… they weren’t?” Now he looked disappointed. He seemed to be thrown off his act and it took him a moment to reboot, or whatever he was doing. “Well, anyway.” He cleared his throat. “It’s a good thing nothing happened to you.” Shir looked more confused than before. 

“Uh… sure.” She mumbled and wanted to walk pass him, but he stepped in her way. 

“May I introduce myself?” No you may not, Shir thought with an eye roll. “I am Captain Core.” He made a ridiculous bow and offered her his hand. For a second it seemed like he wanted to take hers and press a kiss on it, like some old fashioned knight. Luckily Shir could pull her hand away just in time. 

“Captain Core, huh…” She repeated unimpressed. “Well, nice to make your acquaintance, but I really must be going now.” She once more tried to pass him, but he just wouldn’t let her go. With his broad shoulders he really blocked her way out.

“I should escort you! Who knows what else could be lurking out there in the shadows! Thieves, thugs, molesters or murderers! It’s not save out there…” He paused for a moment. “What was your name again?” 

“Shir…” 

“It’s not save out there, Shir!” He used a dramatic hand gesture to support his words. “I must escort you to wherever you’re going!” Shir sighed frustrated. 

“You really don’t. I’ve got it under control.” She tried to explain. 

“Quite obviously you don’t. You were almost mugged by those two thugs!” He pointed at the two unconscious guys on the floor. “I couldn’t live with myself if something would happen to such a pretty citizen as yourself.” He tried to go for her hand again, but she quickly took a step back. If anything he was the one she needed saving from. What a creep! 

“Not my problem.” She replied and finally made it passed him, quickly creating some distance between him and herself. Unfortunately, Captain Core – if that even was his real name – wasn’t satisfied with that and quickly caught up. 

“Please! Milady, I must escort you back home! At least, I assume that is where you’re going!” He stood in front of her, yet again blocking her path and using dramatic hand gestures to create some sort of urgency. Shir grunted frustrated. Why was this guy not getting the message? Just as she wanted to say something, she heard the guys, who tried to take her money moments ago, slowly regain consciousness. That gave her an idea.

“Oh no, those thugs are waking up! You better do something before they attack us.” She pointed at them. Captain Core already fell for it, told her ‘not to worry’ and quickly ran over to the guys to put them in cuffs or something. Shir didn’t stay to watch the entire scene. As soon as the guy moved, she continued walking and thought she lost him. From all the weirdoes she could’ve run into on this planet, it had to be some delusional hero guy. However, about five minutes later, she was yet again confronted with some thug wanting her money. Apparently it was a good night to be mugging and threatening people. This time Shir didn’t have any patience and she was about to engage her attacker, but out of nowhere Captain Core showed up and beat him unconscious. Shir gave him an unimpressed look. Somehow she got the feeling that this guy created the setting on purpose so he could rescue someone to make himself feel better.

“This is what I mean, my dear Shir!” God, just the sound of that almost made her vomit. “It is far too dangerous! Please, I beg of you! Let me walk you home!” He pleaded with his hands folded. What was this guy’s problem? She was tempted to say ‘yes’ just so she could watch Maul beat this guy up once they actually did reach her apartment. But she much rather do it herself. 

“What part of ‘I can handle it myself’ did you not understand?” She repeated in an agitated voice. 

“But milady-“ 

“Stop calling me lady!” 

“But Shir, you were in danger! I had to save your life! It’s what I do for those who cannot protect themselves!” And with that he even had the nerve to show off his muscles and give her a little smirk. “Especially beautiful women like yourself. They deserve my protection!” Shir was clenching her fists in utter frustration. 

“Why?” Was the only response she could utter without bursting out in an angry tantrum.

“Because that is what good men do! They protect women!” He said it in such a manner as if it was something so natural and so logical that it infuriated Shir to no end. It was hard to believe that on a planet like Coruscant there were still men, who were this old fashioned. Ugh, men just never changed.

“You are not protecting me at all! You’re just being a creep!” She shouted and pointed her finger at him. “Now get lost before I start punching your pretty face!” How did this always happen to her? What was it with these guys thinking she couldn’t handle herself, just because she’s a woman? This wasn’t the Stone Age anymore! 

He stared at her for a moment before he started laughing. “Oh please, you can’t hit me. That’s not how you thank your saviour.” Shir gritted her teeth in anger and couldn’t stop herself anymore. Without a warning she threw her fist into the guy’s face and made him tumble a few steps back. Captain Core held his nose and was visibly shocked. But he wiped the blood form his nose and regained his posture. 

“You caught me by surprise. If you try attacking me again, I will certainly stop yo-“ Before he could even finish his sentence, Shir had already launched her second attack, this time kicking the side of his knee. He yelled in pain. Shir didn’t hesitate and thrusted her fist into his stomach – granted that hurt a lot but it was so worth it. Captain Core gasped for air and bent forward. He tried to block the incoming attack, but was too slow. Shir already swung up her knee into the guy’s face with a frustrated shout. She grabbed him by his robes and with a quick move that required a lot of technique she hurled him over her shoulder onto the floor. Before he could even get up, she was already pointed her blaster at him. 

“You’re an incredibly sexist nuisance and I would blow off your head right now if I didn’t have to go through the trouble of hiding your body.” She grunted. The look in her eyes told the man that she was dead serious. She was not bluffing. A few moments passed until eventually Shir put her blaster into its holster again. “Now please, just… leave me alone…” She turned around and continued walking. In the distance, she could see the end of the alley, but there was yet another figure standing in her way! This was by far the weirdest and most tiring walk home. However, she noticed something about the silhouette of the figure. Something familiar and it made her sigh in relief. 

Captain Core, still trying to recover from the precision blows and Shir’s quick work, was still on the floor, trying to process everything. However, he also saw the figure and the shining yellow eyes in the dark. Thinking it was a threat – because really, he did look like a major threat – the sexist man jumped on his feet, ignoring the pain and stood in front of Shir with wide open arms. “Don’t worry I will protect you from this monster!” 

Shir grunted in frustration and pinched the bridge of her nose. “Kriff, please just take care of him…” She muttered, loud enough for the other person to hear it too. 

“Don’t worry, I will make-“ 

“Not you!” She interrupted the blond haired man in front of her. “I was talking to him.” She pointed at the figure, who now stepped into the light and revealed himself. It was Maul, quite obviously. 

“I thought you could handle yourself.” The zabrak said with a little grin on his face. Without losing much time Captain Core already came running towards him, but Maul didn’t even bother. He just Force-pushed him back into the alleyway and threw him in a trash container. 

“Was he bothering you?” he asked, with a bit of concern in his voice. Shir walked up to him and just wrapped her arms around his neck and resting her head on his shoulder. 

“Kind of.” She whispered. “I did kick his ass.” She quickly added. No need to show weakness in front of the zabrak. 

“Yes, I saw.” Maul chuckled. “So… does this mean I saved you?”

“No!” She quickly let him go, not wanting to give him that satisfaction. “I had it under control. You just… euh… helped.” She made a weird hand gesture. Maul crossed his arms and shook his head slightly. 

“Sure.” He mumbled and grinned. 

“Stop grinning.” Shir pouted, grabbed his wrist and dragged him along. She didn’t even realize how her cheeks were slightly colouring red. “Let’s just go home. I’m starving.”


End file.
